When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
