Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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