Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
