This house was built for laser tag.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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