I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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