either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
