Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize