were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
