Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
