i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
