We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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