party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were trust falling into bushes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think I just sharted jello shots
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
