I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
babies were throwing up all over the place
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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