Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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