do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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