I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
