dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
