Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
