last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize