Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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