If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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