Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You dont lie about slip and slides
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
