He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
