i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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