Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
