I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
