it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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