i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
