i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize