I'm so fucking centered right now
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
