I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
