Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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