Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
