May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
