That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
