the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
