I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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