I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
