i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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