my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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