too bad you live with your parents still
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
