I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
