I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Come share oat with me in your robe
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
