Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
