trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize