You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
