I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
