let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
