Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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