MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
