Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
