three words: i give head
three words: not that well
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
