I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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