It's Friday. Sex?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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