The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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