I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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