i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
