If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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