the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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