Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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