if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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