Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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