Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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