Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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