my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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