Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
