DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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