whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
