he wants to bone in the snuggie
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
