whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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