we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
