That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
