Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
