Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
