I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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