Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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