Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
