ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
