His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
