My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
