even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
