He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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