He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
