those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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