my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
