Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
