I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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