Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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