I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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