I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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