everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
