I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
