During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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