i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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