yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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