i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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