the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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