my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
